Another session with Dr. P

Just yesterday I went to see Dr. P again to have a consultation about my HSG result. He told me that my right fallopian tube is blocked (which I have already known) and he was mumbling "it can't be fixed, it has to be operated". Then he said to me, "I will do SIS next week. I'll do it on your left fallopian tube." I repeated what he said, "my left fallopian tube, doc? not my right?" He answered, "Yes, I want to make sure that the left one is really OK so that you can get pregnant. but if the result is not as I expect, then we can do laparoscopy. If you have any savings, then we can do it." Then I know that laparoscopy is not cheap at all. I searched on the internet, it cost around 20-30 millions in 2008, so I believe now it costs around 30-40 millions. Wow! Then, the doctor said, if laparoscopy doesn't work, then maybe the last choice is IVF. Oh, God, that's not what I have planned. I never want to have an IVF. So I've changed my plan, that ok, I'll have my SIS next week, but that's it. If the result is good, then I'll take the program, but if not, then I'll stop. God only knows. I can't afford that much. The burden is too heavy for me. Not to mention the cost. I know that we have to do our best, but my best is just that much. I can do no more. God knows my strength, physically, mentally, and financially. So, my dear baby, please forgive your mother, if we are meant to be together here on earth, I believe there will be a way for me to finally find you. If not, I believe God loves you more than I do. Hugs and kisses from mommy and daddy, whereever you are right now.